Books

“Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret”: Revisiting the classic coming-of-age story

I devoured Judy Blume books as a child. I can’t remember exactly how many of her books that I’ve read, but looking at the list, I’m guessing 14. From that number alone, I would consider her to be one of the most prolific authors of my adolescence. Blume’s books are known to tackle real subjects that tweens face, such as navigating friendships, puberty, bullying, body changes, and more. Several of her books have been mainstays on banned lists for decades, because she writes about (important) topics such as menstruation, masturbation, body image, birth control, and sex. 

I don’t remember the specifics of many of the books that I’ve read, but I do remember reading “Are you There God? It’s Me, Margaret.” When the movie adaptation was released in 2023, my mom and I saw it in theaters. I recently decided to revisit both. I think the book holds up as a beautiful coming-of-age story for adolescent girls, and the movie does a wonderful job of staying true to the book. I think either medium would be a great tool for any 10-14ish year-old, especially one that will be experiencing menstruation, buying a bra for the first time, and other experiences of puberty. I’m not going to use the rest of this post as a review or a summary, but more so as a reflection of some of the aspects of the overall story and how the movie portrayed the plot point.  

The Puberty of it all: One of the major themes throughout the book, and one of the main reasons why I think it’s such an important read for young people, is Margaret’s journey into puberty. Buying a bra, praying and chanting for chest growth (who could forget “We must, we must, we must increase our bust!”), waiting for the first menstrual cycle, buying deodorant… I had forgotten just how BIG all of these moments felt, but this book and movie transport me right back. Blume and the filmmakers are able to portray these moments in a sensitive and honest way. Puberty is confusing, scary, and stigmatized (see: book bans) and I believe this story can help tweens feel seen and less alone.

Religion: The other major plot line running through the book is Margaret’s grappling with religiosity. With a Jewish dad and a Christian mom who was disowned by her parents due to marrying someone Jewish, Margaret’s parents have decided to raise Margaret without a religious tradition. Throughout the book, Margaret prays to God (she thinks, maybe), sometimes hilariously, like when praying for her chest to grow, and often tenderly. She spends the book exploring faiths, looking for God in different church services, but only ever feeling God when she is alone. Something I love about this storyline is that it doesn’t end wrapped in a bow. At the end of the book, Margaret remains confused about religion. She even abandons talking to God at one point, finding her way back by the end.

Changing bodies: There’s a character in the story named Laura Danker who has developed at a younger age than the rest of the girls in Margaret’s class, and is taller than all of the boys. Rumors circulate around Laura that she is much more sexually experienced than the rest of the girls, and she is bullied and picked on by her classmates. I did not remember this storyline and was pleased by its inclusion and nuance. Sexualization of girls and women is a huge problem in our society, and many women can remember the first time they were sexually harassed, often in their young teens. I think Blume was able to touch on this subject in an age-appropriate manner, while also reminding girls that it can be hard to be the one that goes through puberty first. 

Other things about the movie specifically that I loved: I enjoyed both my reread and rewatch of the movie, but the movie especially feels like a warm hug. It brought the book to life so beautifully, and felt both timeless and nostalgic. Here are some random things that I appreciated about the movie:

  • The actors: Rachel McAdams and Kathy Bates are just amazing, and Abby Ryder Fortson, who played Margaret, gave such an earnest performance
  • The early 1970s soundtrack and fashion
  • The expanded storyline of Barbara, Margaret’s mom. In the movie, Barbara is trying to reinvent herself, quitting her job and trying to fit the mold of a suburban mom. She joins every committee in the PTA and is miserable. At the end of the movie she’s back to teaching art classes and quits the PTA. 
  • The blink-and-you-miss-it cameo by Queen Judy herself

This reread and rewatch were a delight for me, and I think stories like Margaret are immensely important for young people to have at their disposal. 

“You are Not a Before Picture” by Alex Light

2025 is not going to be known for being a body positive, or even a body neutral year. In many ways, it feels like our body ideals and cultural attitudes around food, bodies, and exercise are time traveling back toward the early 2000s. Diet culture is alive and thriving, and we need tools at our disposal to help combat all of the harmful messaging that diet culture engrains in us. Enter Alex Light’s You are Not a Before Picture: How to Finally Make Peace With Your Body, for Good. 

Light describes this book as a “body image bible,” and I tend to agree, as it is an expertly researched encyclopedia of all things body image: a history of diets, what happens to our bodies when we diet (spoiler: diets don’t work), beauty trends, the impact of the media, fitness, weight gain, and more. It really is a comprehensive guide to all things body image-related. As someone who is well-versed in body image, but hasn’t been able to immerse myself in the literature as much as I would like in the last few years, it was a great re-introduction to the genre. For someone struggling with body image, or just starting to learn about diet culture, this serves as a great primer. 

I found each chapter of this book to be well-researched, and I think that I will be returning to it over and over again, for both personal and professional purposes. My copy is already well-highlighted. One of my favorite chapters was about the history of diets, from the first-known diet book in the 1500s, to the weight-loss apps of the mid-2010s (this book was first published in 2022, so right before the Ozempic boom). Through learning about the ever-changing diet advice and beauty standards, it is clear that diets have always been a way to uphold the patriarchy.

Something I really appreciated about this book is Light’s acknowledgment of her identity and privilege and a straight-sized, cis white woman. Throughout the book, she interviews women in marginalized bodies to help us all gain a better understanding of the systems of oppression that help to maintain diet culture. She shares how misogyny, racism, homophobia and transphobia, and capitalism all contribute to the dangerous beauty standard that we all are pressured to adhere to. Light explains that body positivity has its roots in the radical political movement of fat acceptance, which was created for and by women of color. As described in the book, the body positivity movement has transformed into a place “dominated by privileged bodies” and commodified by content creators and brands. To that point, I often find this reality is often missing from the discourse by body image experts with Light’s (and my) privileges, so I was pleased with that portion of the book.

I could write an essay on each of the chapters of this book, and as stated previously, I will go back time and time again as I do delve deeper into specific topics. Throughout the book, Light also weaves her own experiences with an eating disorder and body image struggles, and I am grateful for her vulnerability. She is also a great follow on instagram (@alexlight_ldn). This book belongs in every body image collection.

Reading “Americanah”

by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Hi reader/friend! I don’t think this changes the perspective I had at all, but full transparency: I wrote this blog post at the beginning of December. I have a few drafts that I haven’t published yet, and this is one of them! More of those will be published soon, as well as new/current posts! Enjoy 🙂

Evidence I read this in the winter…

I just finished reading the novel “Americanah” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and wow is it a masterpiece. I had an idea it was going to be impactful given all of the accolades the book has received since it was published in 2013. I knew of Adichie from her brilliant TED talk about feminism. Adichie manages to weave together a love story with brilliant commentary on blackness. As a New York reviewer put it, “Adichie is to blackness what Philip Roth was to Jewishness: its most obsessive taxonomist, it’s staunchest defender, and its greatest critic.”

As with all of my blog posts about books, this isn’t a review, and I’m not going to give anything away, because I want to encourage YOU to read the book. But I do want to give a brief synopsis. Americanah follows two main protagonists, Ifemelu and Obinze, and spans a couple decades of their lives. They went to school together in Nigeria and assumed a romantic relationship in high school. Obinze dreams of going to America, but in a sick twist of fate it is Ifemelu who is able to get a visa and move to America, while Obinze stayed and later lived undocumented in London. Readers learn of the reality of living in America and the U.K.  as an immigrant, especially as a non-American black person. Ifemelu starts a blog and shares her experiences connected to race. Adichie cleverly includes a lot of commentary on race, as Ifemelu’s blog posts are interwoven into the story line.

I dog-earred so many pages with quotes from the book that I found impactful or important. I won’t share all of them considering it’s a 600 page novel, but I am going to share quite a few. I can’t think of a better way to learn about someone else’s life experience than by reading their own words, listening, and immersing yourself in their story:

“She said…that it was absurd how women’s magazines forced images of small-boned, small-breasted white woman on the rest of the multi-boned, multi-ethnic world of women to emulate” – pg. 219

“…all understood the fleeing from war, from the kind of poverty that crushed human souls, but they would not understand the need to escape from the oppressive lethargy of choicelessness.”- pg. 341

“I came from a country where race was not an issue; I did not think of myself as black and I only became black when I came to America.”- pg. 359

“Racism should never have happened and so you don’t get a cookie for reducing it.”- pg. 378

“In America, racism exists but racists are gone.” (DRIPPING with sarcasm of course)- pg. 390

“Blacks actually don’t WANT it to be about race. So when they say something is about race, it’s maybe because it actually is?”- pg. 404 

“…of course we’re all prejudiced, but racism is about the power of the group and in America it’s white folks who have that power.”- pg. 405

“It is the final infantilization and informalization of America! It portends the end of the American empire, and they are killing themselves from within!”- pg. 489

I hope you go read this book!! If you’ve read it, what were your thoughts? Let me know!

Thoughts on Lindy West’s “Shrill”

Spoiler Alert- I loved it

I received “Shrill” for Christmas 2016, the year this memoir was published. I knew I would love it, but so little time and so many books, right? I just read it a week ago, and I OBVIOUSLY did love it. I have been a fan of Lindy West’s for several years, since she was writing at “Jezebel.” (To be honest, I stopped reading it regularly after she and a couple other writers left.) West is my favorite kind of feminist writer, reminding me of the likes of Roxane Gay and Jessica Valenti. She is able to write about serious topics of inequality with humor, a take no shit attitude, and yet conveys warmth and tenderness.

As a fat feminist who writes openly about abortion, fatphobia, rape jokes, and other WILDLY POPULAR topics, West has had no shortage of online trolls. In “Shrill,” West writes about all of the above topics, as well as her experiences with trolls. If you didn’t think misogyny ran rampant in online comments before (I envy you?), you definitely will think again after reading this book. So I’m not going to do a classic book review or analysis here. My analysis is: it’s good, you’ll learn, you’ll laugh a lot and possibly cry a little, please read it. Instead, I am going to share a few of my favorite passages, and expand on those a little.

On fatness and fatphobia:

“I wasn’t unnatural after all; the cultural attitude that taught me so was the real abomination. My body, I realized, was an opportunity. It was political. It moved the world just by existing. What a gift.”- pg. 79

“You can’t fix a problem by targeting its victims…The only answer is to decide we’re worth helping.”- pg. 148

I definitely found myself questioning some of my own internalized biases against fat bodies while reading West’s experiences with fatphobia. As someone who has always had thin privilege, I can’t begin to know what it’s like to be constantly stigmatized and judged so openly. I am really passionate about body positivity- I wrote my master’s thesis about eating disorders and I facilitate body image presentations to youth. But we are all complicit in the oppressive system that perpetuates these cultural biases. That’s why it’s so important to critically examine them and where they came from. In particular I find myself having to consciously unpack the myth that health = morality, and that we can tell a person’s health by what they look like. Even though I KNOW the data that disputes this idea, it is such a pervasive and damning idea in our society. Story telling is so important because it helps us to get out of our own bias and perspective and learn someone else’s. Often your own worldview will shift and expand.

On rape jokes and why they aren’t funny (because it apparently isn’t obvious?)

Let me preface this by giving you all a little background. A few summers ago, comedian Daniel Tosh told a rape joke in the middle of a comedy set, a woman in the audience yelled out that rape jokes aren’t funny, and Tosh retorted that “wouldn’t it be funny if like 5 guys just raped her right now?” (BECAUSE GANG RAPE HAHAHA) Needless to say, the woman walked out of the show, mortified. West wrote a couple pieces about the incident for Jezebel, received national attention, and went on to discuss it on a couple TV news shows. Male comics from both sides of the issue rushed to add their own commentary. West received an inconceivable amount of online vitriol from almost exclusively men, who sexualized her and threatened sexual violence. In the end, it was ironically this online bullying that opened up some people’s minds. The evidence that rape jokes clearly correlated with sexualized misogynistic harassment was right there. So here are a couple passages from my favorite chapters of “Shrill”:

“Comedy doesn’t just reflect the world, it shapes it… So why would we pretend, out of sheer convenience, that stand-up exists in a vacuum?…Art isn’t indiscriminate shit-flinging. It’s pure communication, crafted with intention and care…So shouldn’t we be welcome to examine that purpose, contextualize it within our culture at large, and critique what we find?”- pg. 165-166

“…what we say affects the world we live in, that words are both a reflection of and a catalyst for the way our society operates… When you talk about rape, you get to decide where you aim: Are you making fun of rapists? Or their victims? Are you making the world better? Or worse? It’s not about censorship, it’s not about obligation, it’s not about forcibly limiting anyone’s speech- it’s about choice. Who are you? Choose.”- pg. 171

MIC DROP. In those passages, West eloquently articulates some of the reasons why I am so interested in the media, as it is both a “reflection of and a catalyst for” our beliefs and realities. Analyzing media is so important because if not critiqued, we take it as fact, as the natural way of the world. One point that West makes can be broadened to the issue of free speech in general. Lately I feel like people are invoking the First Amendment as a sort of blanket permission slip to say anything they want, anytime they want. Uhhh no one is saying that people should go to jail for making rape jokes (I mean people who actually commit rape don’t usually even go to jail so…). What West is saying is that you have a CHOICE in what you convey to others. In a society where 1 in 5 women are raped, often blamed for their assault, and perpetrators rarely see prison, are you sure making a joke out of traumatic sexual violence is the choice that you want to make? Say what you want but know there will be consequences if you are belittling someone’s humanity. We will hold you accountable if you threaten the marginalized and incite violence with your words (COUGH RICHARD SPENCER COUGH).

Let’s say a comedian is making light of rape on stage and you’re a survivor in the audience (statistically there will be several). You feel more stigmatized after hearing this, possibly re-triggered or even experiencing PTSD. Furthermore, you see the rest of the audience laughing, and you probably feel some shame. And you wonder why people don’t come forward when they are victims of assault? In this culture? Rape jokes aren’t funny; they contribute to rape culture and victim blaming. You have a choice- who are you going to be?

Just a line that made me laugh so much I almost peed:

“Oh, you think you’re a badass for leaving the book jacket on ‘Half-Blood Prince?’ You think it makes you a ‘total nerd’ because you’re trying to get through ‘A Clash of Kings’ before the next season of ‘Game of Thrones’ comes out? Try reading Robert Jordan on the bus in 1997 with your bass clarinet case wedged between your legs while wearing a Microsoft Bob promotional T-shirt your dad brought home from work. Then try losing your virginity.”- pg. 42

LOL. OH and the Hulu show “Shrill” starring Aidy Bryant is loosely based off of this book/West’s life and she is really involved in the show. I haven’t watched it yet but will let you all know when I do! In the meantime, get your hands on this book, read it, and live laugh love learn.