8/3/21

Stay soft

The world hardens you 

They tell us to keep our emotions inside

But can’t you see

Inside of me is a swirl of blue, red, pink, green, yellow

Sad angry happy jealous grieving sharing loving

They give the world color

I set them free and they encircle the air

Enveloping trees and buildings and people, 

mixing with others’ greens and blues and reds.

Stay soft

They say that I am me and he is he

But don’t you see that he is we?

The man begging on the street corner is me

His colors are on full display

His blues are spilling onto the sidewalk

Can’t you feel them on your toes?

Don’t look away now

I reach inside of me 

I give him some of my yellow

We are both a little more green

But we are soft and full of color

Alive and real.

What does pain feel like?

The dull ache of the heart or

The knotting of the stomach or

Unending tears

Pain feels like a memory is trapped in the chest

Like chaos buzzing in the cells.

Like the brain is a film reel of the past

The mind is a never-ending spiral (turtles all the way down)

What does hope feel like? (The thing with feathers)

A single glimmer of light

A small sparkle

A flame that may dim all the way down

But never goes out

AP 1/4/20

*Turtles all the way Down references the title of a John Green novel

*”Hope is the thing with feathers” comes from Emily Dickinson

I sit at my dining room table, glancing at the fridge where styrofoam boxes of leftovers await me and yet-

Half a mile away the familiar rotation of homeless people asks for anything at the entrance of the highway

I sit at my table, warm inside on a January day, with our dog on our quiet street where we take long walks in the neighborhood, the same neighborhood where the babies I nanny play freely and I run through with my headphones on and yet-

2.2 miles away, 12-year-old Tamir Rice was killed by a cop in cold blood while playing with a toy gun in the park (West Blvd) and

10 miles away, black babies are dying at a rate of 3 times that of white babies (Hough Ave)

I look at my water bottle filled with the tap from the kitchen and yet-

144 miles away, there hasn’t been safe drinking water in over 5 years (Flint) and

1300 miles away Indigenous People have again been stripped of their land and right to clean water (Standing Rock)

I’m safe in my home while

6000 miles away, innocent humans brace for air-strikes coming from my country (Tehran) and

9700 miles away the Earth is on fire and millions of animals are perishing (Australia)

I sit

I sit and yet.

AP 1/4/20